for the last two years, my right shoulder has really ached. I called it my torn rotor cuff. It came from throwing thousands of footballs to my 14 year old son, Alex John, or as we called him, AJ. Trying to lead him just right on deep post patterns, trying hard to keep up with his speed. And, after the last one every time, he'd only let it end after he made a great catch; from catching the big lug and hugging and spinning him around after he came running and jumped into my arms, yelling "the Bills win the Super Bowl, the Bills win the Super Bowl!". Just us dreaming. It came from me trying to pitch baseballs to him as fast as I could so he wouldn't hit me, but he always did. It honestly hurt enough so that I only slept on my left side and if I rolled over on it, it would wake me up in the night. But I didn't care, how could I stop doing those things? I loved it. My new problem is that over the past month or so, my shoulder has slowly but surely stopped aching. Now what keeps me awake at night is my broken heart. You see, I have no one to throw those passes to, no one to brush back anymore. Because AJ left us on January 5, 2008, a victim of childhood cancer.

So, now you can surely deduce my mission.  Help erradicate childhood cancer some how, some way. Too late for me and AJ. Maybe not for another kid.  Maybe not for yours.  

I really hate to ruin your Saturday morning, but....

CHILDHOOD CANCER FACTS

• Childhood cancer is the #1 killer disease of our children, more than from asthma, diabetes, cystic fibrosis, congenital anomalies, and pediatric AIDS combined
• 1 in 300 children will be diagnosed with cancer before age 20, 12,500 every year
• Each year 3,000 children die, and 35-40,000 are in treatment
• Only 3% of all cancer research money goes to childhood cancer.  A bill in Congress will provide $30 million per year to fund research for childhood cancer.  For comparison, that amount currently funds 2 hours of the war overseas.  So our war against childhood cancer is vastly under-publicized and under-funded.

That's the backdrop of the mission.  I lost my son. My best friend. My future.  To cancer.  When he was 14 frigging years old.  Surely there was a mistake. Surely it was supposed to be ME!  It's just a mixup and when I wake up I will be dead and in heaven or hell, instead of this living hell. And I will be looking down/up at AJ and saying God how I love him and I am so proud of him and happy for him, he is such a good person and look at the pure joy he brings to others, they gather around him.  And just watching him and his pure love of things...from sports to music to Mia our dog to his friends......I mean look at this picture of him......can you not just it all in his eyes, his smile...?

Yeah, I am quite biased. I love him more that anything. Still do. Always will.  Six months plus now.  Still sucks. Every single day. Each morning.  Like a punch in the gut, before you even open your eyes. Every single day.  

But, like I said, I'm on a mission.  AJ and I spent 8 months together every single day fighting. And when we knew what the final score was going to be, we had a pact.  He'd keep an eye on me and I'd do what I could, whatever that looked like, to somehow help other kids in his shoes.  And we would meet again someday and laugh and cry together again.

So here I am today, just six short months after my son has died from childhood cancer.  Asking for your help.

The statistics say that if 300 of you read this today and each of you have one child, one of those children will have cancer before the age of 20.  If 3,000 of you read this, it will be 10 kids.  And that's just here in this little group, this small section of the world.

Across the US, it's 46 kids diagnosed every day.  Seven (7) children will die today from cancer.  

So, how can the MotherTalkers help? What am I doing here?

#1 - I promise, if you guys want, I will keep writing, and if not, I will go away. Just let me know...

#2 - Stay or go, please, for AJ, for your kid's, for any kid's you know, just take one minute to read and sign this.  

It is a nationwide effort to raise awareness and funding to stop childhood cancer.  LIVESTRONG, CureSearch (the largest childhood cancer organization), and Alex' Lemonade Stand's have all written about and support my efforts.  If you decide I should stay I will write more about each of them, other cancer kids, how this whole business is simply a silent tragedy of nationwide proportion, how it just doesn't make "business sense" for pharmacueticals to develop new drugs for our kids, yet we have the cure for restless leg syndrome, and how you can help stop it.

I appreciate your time today.

I am forever,
AJs Dad